The Starting Point

My journey is just about to start......

We received a letter this morning asking us to attend the fertility clinic on 22nd December 2011 which is why I thought I'd start this blog off. It might help with my feelings and to remember the tough journey that is ahead of us.

To start.......I have a son from a previous relationship who will be 10 on 2nd January. I married my beloved husband, Carl, 1st October this year after 3 years of being together. In that time we having been trying for a child of our own to complete our family but month after month my period would come. Month after month I would get frustrated and ask myself, "Why isn't it happening?" After all it took me 4 days to fall pregnant with my son 9 years ago.

We agreed in August 2010 that if nothing had happened after a year of trying we would go to the doctors. Carl was worried it was him as I already had my son. I tried reassuring him that it might not be, I was 9 years older than I was when I had conceived my son and alot can happen in that time for a problem to occur in my body.

After sperm tests and blood tests and scans it showed that Carl had a low volume of seminal fluid but his sperm was fine. As the doctor described it......."Its like having Olympic swimmers but with out the swimming pool", we got reassured that this wasn't a problem.

My scans showed I had cysts on my ovaries but we were reassured AGAIN that this wasn't a problem as I don't suffer Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I went on to have a further test to check my uterus and see if my tubes where blocked this was called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG for short). I won't go into great detail about it as it wasn't something I want to remember.........it showed that my left tube may of been blocked. To make sure that it wasn't just a spasm in my tube they sent me off for laparoscopy surgery. This was a day procedure and I was back home in the evening and laid up in bed for 3-5 days. The outcome was that I didn't have a blocked tube of if I did then they had unblocked it by testing it with dye squirted through it. I had slight endromitrosis and that was it.

We got called back to the consultants office to say "Well we can't find anything wrong with you both sorry. It will have to be self funded" I went away crying feeling hopeless.

They couldn't help us on the NHS as we didn't fit the NICE guidelines or our local PCT's (Primary Care Trust's) guidelines due to ME having a son from a previous relationship. At this point I was beating myself up blaming myself and feeling sorry for my husband because I had the child previously then he's not allowed any help either. That didn't and still doesn't seem very fair to us. Surely my husband not having children should matter at the end of the day what alot of people don't realise is it effects men just as much as women. People seem to think because the men aren't the one's who carry the child and it grows inside them and they give birth that they don't matter, but until you are in this situation you will never truly realise the impact it has, not just on me but my husband too. You get a few people say "You should be grateful you have your son" Don't get me wrong I am blessed to have my son but it still doesn't stop my wanting more children which as these small minded people imply that I'm ungrateful for what I have. What they don't also think about is my husband, YET again he is pushed out like having a child doesn't effect him!!!

He wouldn't talk about, he was moody and he started slipping into depression. He won't admit that he was depressed or let alone why he was depressed even to this day. It took him alot of courage to finally admit he was feeling low and depressed, you know what men are like. Don't want to show feelings as its a sign of weakness.

Anyway back to where I start trailing off (my husband wouldn't appreciate me talking about him)........After it had sunk in that we had to self fund first thing that went through my mind was "How?" with only one of us working and having a house to pay for and everything that comes with it. In the next breath the consultant suggestion egg donation. We went home, I did the research on it. Donating my eggs seemed like a great idea as we would get reduced costs IVF at 5th of the price. OK it meant there maybe a chance that there will be children out there in the future that are genetically part me but also if it meant I could help women out that couldn't have children that's a bonus as I know exactly how they feel. It's a win win situation, or so I thought!!

After doing my homework I came across how you shouldn't have certain diseases or genetic problems.....this I thought might be a problem as my son is Autistic and ADHD. As far as I was aware they weren't proven to be genetic. I rang around a few private clinics asking and explaining about my son and how there is no other members of my family that have Autism or ADHD and each and everyone said "NO, sorry we can't risk taking your eggs" This made me feel hopeless yet again, blaming myself yet again, if it wasn't for my son yet again. Thats how I started thinking and I had to stop thinking like that as my son is my world and I wouldn't have him any other way. I felt like I was being discriminated but I knew deep down inside that it was a fair comment. At the end of the day a woman would be using my eggs to have a child they have longed for (just like I am) and then they found out the child ends up being Autistic. For me that wouldn't be a problem as I live with it day in day out but for someone who doesn't have a clue about Autism and have never come across it is a big thing and later down the line if they find out that the donor of the egg had a history of Autism in the family....well I'm sure you can guess what would happen.

We were back to square 1......having to pay full price until I rang one clinic up and its the only clinic in the UK that does this and they suggested to me that they would accept my husband sperm for reduced costs instead of my eggs. With this new information I spoke to my husband and asked him how he would feel about fathering a maximum of 10 families?? He was a little shocked at how many families he could father but he was fine about it, he wants this as much as me. I got on the phone and had all the relevant paperwork sent to us to start the process.

Once the paperwork was filled out and sent back we had an appointment sent through pretty quick. I was shocked in how fast it was all happening. THEN just to stick ano